Luna del'Corvo

I can scarcely believe that it is here so soon, but once again, the wheel turns, the days grow short, the light grows golden, and the veil grows thin. I know, the time one considered the new year is somewhat arbitrary - calendar, season, how to mark it? Samhain has always seemed to make the most sense to me. As we cross the divide between autumn into winter, as crops die back, and the night overmatches day, we enter a liminal time. With the verdancy of summer past, and the slow and thoughtful reawakening of Yule yet ahead, it is a fallow time, though not an empty one. It is a time to turn inwards, to recall, to reevaluate, to look back and tally what we have done over the living, growing months. With such reflection comes adjustment, planning, and in the months ahead the future begins to take shape in our thoughts, out intentions, so that when the balance shifts and the nights shrink again, we are ready to birth something new.

Yes, I'm thinking a lot about Mom today (as always), and I will light a candle for her this evening. But so far I am remembering her with smiles and good memories more than tears. (Honestly, I think Christmas will be the hardest time to get through since her loss.) For now, she's with me, a voice in my memory, especially as I get the niblet's costume finished. (She always seems to come around when I get crafty; she's the one who taught me so much and got me started on the arty/crafty side of things! I swear she was about while I was helping with the first-ever 'school project diorama' too!) Costume pics soon, but I can tell you, this year's costume was all his idea, and...well, it's a blast!

I hope all of you are having a ghoulishly good day, and I wish you all a Happy Halloween & Blessed Samhain.

I saw this on Post Secret today.



Just the other day I was struck by how often my mom would call. She'd call me over a dozen times a week, and every message started the same way: "Hey, hun. It's me. Just want to say hi."

Don't get me wrong, I talked to her almost every day; she just seemed to have some kind of radar for calling when I was in class, the shower, or something. So I'd usually delete the messages at "Hey, hun...." Not because I didn't care, but because I'd most likely already talked to her since she left it, or I was about to call her anyway, and I knew she'd prefer to tell me whatever herself.

God I wish I'd kept even one of those messages. I'll never hear that "Hey, hun..." again.

My mom is gone. She passed this morning in her sleep. The doctor started her on stronger pain meds and steroids, hoping to help her feel better for a while. She didn't respond well, and when I went to see her yesterday, she was very drowsy and had not eaten. I spoke with the doctor yesterday evening, and we were to meet with Mom today, and try some different things to keep her comfortable. The doc said we were likely looking at a couple weeks, not the couple months we had hoped.

My mom was happy to see me yesterday, and she thanked me for being with her. I made her laugh a little, and I had brought her a t-shirt from the university where I'm teaching. I thought it would make her proud to tell folks that's where her daughter was teaching. She kept dozing, fading in and out, and when I left, I told her to sleep, to just rest and not worry. I suppose she did just that.

The nurses never saw any signs, they said when they went to check on her, they thought she was sleeping peacefully and were happy to see it, but she was already gone. I'm glad for her, really, though I wish she'd been able to get into her new room, see the spring, tell my son goodbye, things like that. Funny thing; I couldn't sleep last night, and I sat up thinking of all the things I wanted to be sure to tell her today, in case. I don't really believe in this sort of thing, but I kind of hope she heard me.


Judith Anne b. March 22, 1942 d. January 25, 2011
You were always stronger than you looked.