![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
New year's is a funny holiday for me. Sometimes I find it deeply reflective, sometimes it comes and goes with nary a thoughtful pause. This year is somewhere in between. The whole holiday season has been a little strange. First there is the loss of my mom last January. It's been a painful loss through this season, which has always been deeply imbued with family, history, and heritage. At the same time, it has not been as painful as I expected, which leaves me on the one hand waiting for some kind of explosion (or perhaps I should say 'implosion'), or almost wishing I did feel it more. I suppose a natural part of growing through grief is giving yourself permission to heal, and to realize that healing isn't the same thing as forgetting....
Then again, last year at the holidays, I was still bogged down in classes, writing finals, getting my Master's finalized; I was still a student then. This year, I was closing out grades for my own students, after my first year of teaching. Last year we were still trying to feel wholly settled in the new house, this year we are more than settled, and I look out over not the leftovers of strangers, but the garden I myself sweated over, waiting to be planted again in spring. So in many ways it's like I'm living a different life than a year ago, and it seems far longer than 12 months.
As far as resolutions, I think I've said most years since I've been doing this thing, that making sweeping determinations once a year seems disingenuous at best, and pointless at worst. But I will say that I am not too sorry to see 2011 gone its way, and I hope 2012 holds new challenges, new rewards, peace healing, growth and happiness for all!
Then again, last year at the holidays, I was still bogged down in classes, writing finals, getting my Master's finalized; I was still a student then. This year, I was closing out grades for my own students, after my first year of teaching. Last year we were still trying to feel wholly settled in the new house, this year we are more than settled, and I look out over not the leftovers of strangers, but the garden I myself sweated over, waiting to be planted again in spring. So in many ways it's like I'm living a different life than a year ago, and it seems far longer than 12 months.
As far as resolutions, I think I've said most years since I've been doing this thing, that making sweeping determinations once a year seems disingenuous at best, and pointless at worst. But I will say that I am not too sorry to see 2011 gone its way, and I hope 2012 holds new challenges, new rewards, peace healing, growth and happiness for all!
