Holding patterns
October 29th, 2014 08:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lunadelcorvoSo, things are much the same. Still seeing a therapist, still gathering...strength, determination, documentation... I actually went and saw a divorce lawyer, and gave him a retainer. That was a bit of a head-job, really. I mean it went well, and it looks like this will (OK, "could"), be easier than I was fearing. So that's good. But damn, shit just got a whole lot more real.....
On the home-front, I don't know. I can't really say I'm vacillating, because I'm not. If anything, every quibble, every quarrel seems to confirm the rightness of this decision. Last weekend we had a huge fight. Or, no, that's not quite it; HE had a huge fight with me, I kind of tried to talk him down and then just let him rant. The topic? My failings as a wife, partner, parent, human being....
No, I'm not internalizing any of it. But when the hell did he get so damned....insecure and needy? I know I have become much more independent and individualistic as I've gotten older, done more, expanded my horizons. I need a bit more me time than when we were first together. For a while it was because I needed a bit of 'power down' time when my son was young and demanded constant attention. (Not that I've ever begrudged that, but let's face it, it can get tiring.) As my son has gotten older and more independent, I realize I have come to cherish that me time. Only now that is a direct affront to....something; my husband's ego, his need for constant attention, I don't know.
I do know I missed this change in him.
On the home-front, I don't know. I can't really say I'm vacillating, because I'm not. If anything, every quibble, every quarrel seems to confirm the rightness of this decision. Last weekend we had a huge fight. Or, no, that's not quite it; HE had a huge fight with me, I kind of tried to talk him down and then just let him rant. The topic? My failings as a wife, partner, parent, human being....
No, I'm not internalizing any of it. But when the hell did he get so damned....insecure and needy? I know I have become much more independent and individualistic as I've gotten older, done more, expanded my horizons. I need a bit more me time than when we were first together. For a while it was because I needed a bit of 'power down' time when my son was young and demanded constant attention. (Not that I've ever begrudged that, but let's face it, it can get tiring.) As my son has gotten older and more independent, I realize I have come to cherish that me time. Only now that is a direct affront to....something; my husband's ego, his need for constant attention, I don't know.
I do know I missed this change in him.