Well, shit.

[lunadelcorvo]

My mom has cancer. Again. Lots of it. It seems that the lung cancer she had this summer is likely to have originated in her breast. Which means that if the fucking zoo where she lives had been doing regular mammograms (like duh, a building full of older women and they DON'T to regular mammograms?!?! WTF?) it could have been detected. Before it got to her lung. If they'd done one the minute she was diagnosed with lung cancer (again, duh!) it might have been able to be treated. Before it got to be a lump the size of her fist in her breast. Before it got to the adrenal glands at her kidneys. Before it got to her lymph nodes. Before it started eating her alive.

We don't know yet if chemo will help, or if she can even survive it. She's showing signs of diabetes now, and her kidneys are already in bad shape. I think my mom is dying. I think my mom won't be here to see my son grow up. I think we may have had our last Christmas, and I'm scared to death. I think I have to have the conversation with my mom about how long she wants to keep fighting. The one where I promise her that I'll fight tooth and nail for her as long as she wants to, but that when she's had enough, I'll make it all the needles and the tests and the pain go away, and make her comfortable, and let her go.