January 25th, 2011

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My mom is gone. She passed this morning in her sleep. The doctor started her on stronger pain meds and steroids, hoping to help her feel better for a while. She didn't respond well, and when I went to see her yesterday, she was very drowsy and had not eaten. I spoke with the doctor yesterday evening, and we were to meet with Mom today, and try some different things to keep her comfortable. The doc said we were likely looking at a couple weeks, not the couple months we had hoped.

My mom was happy to see me yesterday, and she thanked me for being with her. I made her laugh a little, and I had brought her a t-shirt from the university where I'm teaching. I thought it would make her proud to tell folks that's where her daughter was teaching. She kept dozing, fading in and out, and when I left, I told her to sleep, to just rest and not worry. I suppose she did just that.

The nurses never saw any signs, they said when they went to check on her, they thought she was sleeping peacefully and were happy to see it, but she was already gone. I'm glad for her, really, though I wish she'd been able to get into her new room, see the spring, tell my son goodbye, things like that. Funny thing; I couldn't sleep last night, and I sat up thinking of all the things I wanted to be sure to tell her today, in case. I don't really believe in this sort of thing, but I kind of hope she heard me.


Judith Anne b. March 22, 1942 d. January 25, 2011
You were always stronger than you looked.

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Things I need to remember:
• Asking for help is not, as it turns out, fatal.
• Laughing is easier than pulling your hair out, and doesn't have the unfortunate side effect of making you look like a plague victim.
• Even the biggest tasks can be defeated if taken a bit at a time.
• I can write a paper the night before it's due, but the results are not all they could be.
• Be thorough, but focused.
• Trust yourself.
• Honesty, always.

Historians are the Cassandras of the Humanities

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