lunadelcorvo: (Backward Glance)
Well, I went and cleared out Mom's things Thursday. I'm not sure which was hardest: being there surrounded by her things and her presence, all the people who stopped in with hugs and condolences (my Mom was clearly very well-loved there), or the odd person who stopped in who didn't know, and asked where she was.

Thing is, she was SO looking forward to moving into the new facility, and it is gorgeous. When I took her to the open house, I literally cried, I was so happy she'd get to live in such a beautiful environment. The bitter irony? Her wing was moving over there the very day I was there boxing up her things. Those that didn't know she was gone assumed I was helping her to move over, and kept asking if she was happy and excited. Ouch.

Her memorial is Monday, and my family will be there, and I know many of the residents and staff will be too. I asked for it not to be heavily religious, but more about sharing memories. It's going to be really hard, but it's part of healing. I'm giving my son the day off school, too. I think it will help him in the long run to see how she was loved, and hear how important he was to her.

So, slowly, life goes on. I still fall apart sometimes, usually when I least expect it, of course, but it's getting better. Time, time, time. It's just going to take time. Well, maybe the occasional stiff drink, but mostly time....

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Things I need to remember:
• Asking for help is not, as it turns out, fatal.
• Laughing is easier than pulling your hair out, and doesn't have the unfortunate side effect of making you look like a plague victim.
• Even the biggest tasks can be defeated if taken a bit at a time.
• I can write a paper the night before it's due, but the results are not all they could be.
• Be thorough, but focused.
• Trust yourself.
• Honesty, always.

Historians are the Cassandras of the Humanities

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